1st Movie Review: TMNT

Hi people (or person…just me?) because my stats are still zero,

Last night I went to go see TMNT with a couple of friends who are also movie critics. I would first like to point out how proud I am that I know which color is associated with each ninja turtle. In case you were curious it’s: Rafael is red, Michelangelo is orange, Leonardo is blue, and Donatello is purple (with glasses). The perks of having an older brother who grew up with these TV gems.Truthfully, I was not expecting much because the turtles looked corny and they had this sort of “stupid-funny” aura about them that did not seem particularly enticing for my age group. But nonetheless the film came out better than I had originally anticipated.

As a group of foodies ourselves; armed with gummy bears/worms, and chocolate we decided to count how many times their coveted favorite food: pizza, appeared during the film. Four, ladies and gentleman. The number is a low depressing four. Although they recovered from this with a most glorified pizza moment when Splinter (the rat father figure to the turtles) is punishing the turtles for going above ground and he is torturing them for details of their escapades with a devilishly handsome pizza smothered in all types of cheese, “cheddar, asiago, provolone, and some cheese that nobody has ever heard of.” Okay moving on.

I’m so relieved that Megan Fox is straying away from cheap roles as the drop-dead-gorgeous damsel in distress. I mean the directors of Transformers might as well have asked her to sign away full exploitation of her body. But in TMNT she was as actual character with a motive. April (Megan Fox) works as a news reporter, but is desperate for her big break in crime journalism. Her ticket to get there is the TMNT. Her news partner is Vern, who seriously needs to take a hint that his advances are unwelcome. Michelangelo has a better chance with her than he does. Mikey, the source of comedic relief, was hitting on her hard-core throughout the movie, often claiming they are “teenagers that can still have adult conversations.” Suave little turtle. But seriously, Vern, back off, you are old enough to be her Dad.

Another minor character worth mentioning is April’s skeptical boss played by Whoopi Goldberg. She briefly stole the show with her clever, smooth, sarcastic delivery. She shoots down April’s claims that a vigilante has arisen to fight the Foot Clan (a band of criminals in NYC). Her performance is comparable to that of Morgan Freeman in Lucy by means of salvaging a film.

The first confrontation between April and the turtles occurs shortly after the Foot Clan hostage situation in the subway. People come flooding out of the tunnels and what does April do? She jumps right into the fire in search of a story. Look, I know how bad you need this break, but you are notorious for damsel in distress situations so why don’t you waddle your little polished backside back up those steps? No? Too late anyway, April gets snatched up and taken hostage by a Foot Clan member. Then the Clan laces the walls with explosives because what Michael Bay movie would be complete without some bad-ass explosions? Thankfully, the TMNT save her ass and everyone escapes. YAY. Then NYPD shows up late to the party, as usual, and when they arrive on time they twiddle their thumbs until some vigilante (the TMNT) drives away the Foot Clan. (Sorry NYPD) You guys always seem to get a bad rep in movies. And may I point out that some little Asian chick Foot Clan member (you know her when you see her) gets thrown up against the tile wall, cracking it and thirty seconds later she is awake and alert as if nothing happened. Either I missed something or they failed to mention that this chick is bionic because I’m pretty sure she should be dead, her back broken, or at least have a concussion and therefore would be unconscious a bit longer. Indulge me, director.

So, the whole point of this movie is Shredder is back (some guy with a metal suit with far too many knives attached), and he is using his puppet, Saks, (some famous businessman everybody loves) to get the turtles’ blood to make an antidote to some toxin he wants to release that could wipe out everyone in NYC. The price of the antidote he wants to use to save everyone and appear a hero is enough to make him “stupid rich.” You get a glimpse of the outside of his house in the movie, and let me tell you, this guy’s estate has its’ own zip code and he is set for life. Naturally, April gets tied up in this because her dad used to work with Saks creating the TMNT in a lab, and *spoiler alert* Saks isn’t as nice is her seems. On a side note he killed April’s dad.

Speed synopsis: foot clan capture all the turtles except Rafael. Splinter is killed in the struggle. The turtles are drained of most of their blood before April and Raf save them with adrenaline and they break free. More comedic relief. They defeat Shredder whose hand is seen moving after a fall off a skyscraper…BOO. The turtles revive Splinter and everyone lives happily ever after.

Last thing, there is one scene where the turtles make a beat out of their weapons and start rapping in the elevator on their way up to fight Shredder. It was so random and it lightened the mood. This scene should have been the whole trailer, and that’s it. BOOM: instant box office hit.

Overall, I enjoyed the film. I thought it had a decent plot, nothing special, but its’ goofiness kept it alive and held the audiences’ attention. In addition, Megan Fox escaping her “damsel in distress role with no purpose” was refreshing. Also, the way they left the ending with Shredder still alive leaves room for a sequel which I do not eagerly await, but would definetly see when released.

Rating: 5.9

Recommend: Maybe

See Again: No

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One thought on “1st Movie Review: TMNT

  1. Good review! You’re off to a nice start, so I look forward to seeing your blog grow and hopefully a lot more reviews. Followed!

    Use to love the turtles when I was little (Michelangelo was always my favorite). Not something I’d go see in a theater (but then I’m not really a fan of theaters), but I will certainly be checking this one out when it hits a streaming service or movie channel.

    Like

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